Falling Slowly

I took a five hour nap today at 7.

Then I woke up, heard my mom getting ready to sleep, and realized how stupid and selfish I was.

I've been spending more time with my parents lately, but today, I realized (especially when Mr. Z was ranting about it) that maybe I just haven't been spending enough.

In the future, will I regret it that I didn't play with my parents when I had the chance? I love my friends, I really really do, but is it worth it to forgo my parents for them?

It's just... my parents have never been home (I grew up in CALTOP, for crying out loud) and when they were they were tired from working. I guess I've grown used to leaving them to their own devices.. and with the recent divorce I guess I just drew further into my own world. Hm.

I'm going to miss them next year. Maybe I should do something about it then.

And... other things going on in life that I don't feel like talking about.

Damn I wish I could be perfect sometimes. Even if perfect is dreadfully boring.

Because everything would be so much easier if i were perfect.

I wrote this song about you

...no I didn't, but that is the song I'm listening to right now. But I digress.

Although, technically, my blogs never have a point, so I can't really digress, but whatever.

Anyway, I was supposed to play today, but then my mom made me feel guilty by pulling out the whole "you never spend time with me!" argument, so I played a little and then came home for dinner. Unfortunately, now that I am spending time at home, I am also terrifically bored.

Oh look, "Second Chance." I like this song too! Of course I do-- why else would it be on my favorites playlist? I'm a flipping genius.

But now I forgot what I was about to say. It's alright. Let's move on to a new topic.

So many things have happened since my last entry. AP tests (both of which were RIDICULOUSLY HARD. Seriously. I had to leave one free response blank on each one. One entire free response question. Weep weep.), retreat, International Day, and of course, the subject that probably isn't the best to record online. HAHA. One day I'm going to be reading this and have absolutely no idea what I mean. Hopefully it's way into old age, where I'm potentially losing my mind anyway.

Well, seeing as AP tests are horrifically boring topics, we shall move on to retreat! It was alright, I think. It was super dusty, and the cabins were tiny, but seriously, everyone knew it was camping. I was actually expecting worse! At least the showers were good. People really need to stop complaining so much. -___- That, I must admit, was very annoying. If you don't like camping, don't come. Don't come and annoy everyone else with your constant complaints. Entirely too negative, that might have been what it was.

There was also mild drama during retreat. That was quite.... interesting. I can't believe it involved sleeping habits. -________- I still don't believe that anyone would go to retreat just to sleep, but I guess both sides were wrong. Wrong to stay up late when some of the cabin wanted to sleep (I swear it wasn't a majority), and wrong to call up another friend to rant. Also wrong to rant loudly in the morning and then slam the door on sleeping people while screaming certain phrases. Also wrong to standby and rant but not do anything to prevent said argument, in my case. But it's alright. That's what happens with 12 girls on pms/periods are stuffed in a cabin in the middle of the wild. Chaos!

Aside from those unpleasantries, however, I have discovered that I rather enjoy archery! It's fun. Even if I now have a giant bruise on my arm. Horseshoe throwing is also surprisingly fun... Glonchak and Z are so good at it. -_____- Freaking amazing. Oh well.

I'm so easily... i dunno. Emotional these days. It's so easy to make me emo, I don't even know why. -_____- Also very tired. sighs. There's too much to think about these days.

It's ok. All that's important is smile. All I've got to do is smile, and everything will be ok!

If I believe that enough, I'm sure it will definitely come true.

Because life is so much nicer with a smile and a laugh!

And my, that wasn't a cheezy way to end this at all.

What a bad person I am.
Oh well.

It's a brand new day~

So today was ditch day. It was amazing~ I never thought I would ever go on so many rollercoasters... damn I was certainly a chicken before. hahahah Beast level unlocked!!

And then there was Disneyland last Saturday (04/25/09, in case I forget). That was amazing too. I had so much fun... even though it made me realize just how much I'm going to miss what I have now. D:

Anyway, I don't feel like writing coherently; as a matter of fact, I am in more of a making lists mood! So here we go! Time to neglect bloody econ essay!

Disneyland:
EG+WTWTC
Exclusivity AHHAHA win:D
going crazy in the first two hours, then half crashing
FREE ICE CREAM :D Thank you Thadd!!
I NEED TO GO PEE.
DAMMIT WE WERE RIPPED OFF
GOD IS HELPING HIS FRIEND
We should press all the stupid buttons
THEY DRUGGED OUR SODA
high off crack<3 and="and" br="br" breaking="breaking" for="for" leaving="leaving" lunch="lunch" rules="rules" the="the" totally="totally">85C <3 br="br" crazy="crazy" picki="picki" sticki="sticki">WTWTC cue complete! Graduation requirement #1 finished!!
camera whoring in a cue booth...HAHA
fireworks... THAT FAILED. D:
showing up to dinner 30 minutes late HAHA
banshee screammm
sleeping on POTC
bad autopia driving!
BOYS SPINNING TEACUPS.
"My jacket smells like me. It smells good."
HANA YORI WESLEY/ WESLEY YORI DANGO
sleepover at wendy's!!
SEQUENCE. HAHAAHHAHAHHA
Jenga. :D
Sleeping all over the floor... and on wesley.
Amazing memories... I'll miss them. ): <3 p="p">
Knott's!:
holy crap roller coasters.
SILVER BULLET. x7 HAHAHAHHAHH
churros):
ICEEEEE
funnel cake<3 br="br" cheese="cheese" chili="chili" fries="fries">Xcelerator. screams when not even on ride?!!?
dragonboat thing-- ROAAAAAAAR vs. SQUEAL!
ANDY DON'T SIT ON THE RAIL. HAHAHHA
Andy's posse. :D
MYUNDERWEARISWET
OMGOMGOMGWATERWATERWATER
CAROLINENEEDSTOGETWET
period schedules! HAHAH
no lines<3more br="br" class.="class." exclusivity...="exclusivity..." from="from" hahaha="hahaha" of="of" rest="rest" the="the">cotton candy!!!
never screamed so much in my life- -
spending awesome time with friends<3 br="br" chicken.="chicken." everlasting="everlasting" fried.="fried." memories="memories" much.="much." too.="too.">BISCUITS! I ate too many. T__T
jacket switching!
exhausted with headaches<3 br="br" nbsp="nbsp">
It was so fun. This entire past week was just... excellent. ahhahhaa Senior volunteering day actually wasn't that bad: riding the cart and striking a pose!, digging, setting up stupid rulers and string that KEPT FALLING DOWN, filling trashcans racing!, bean dip, swerving!, scary pickaxes, ICE CREAM AND STRAWBERRIES!!!! And then lunch at teastation with Jodie, Yeuting, Johnny, Wes, and Thadd. So fun. :D

Then Tues was AP Physics final and AP Calc review... - - Lunch was soondooboo with vic, julia, johnny, kenny! Melting icecream for eva... HAHAH and then foam sword fighting in the hallsss<3 amazing.="amazing." be="be" best="best" br="br" can="can" creating="creating" days="days" going="going" i="i" is="is" it="it" life--="life--" life.="life." m="m" memories="memories" my="my" of="of" out="out" really="really" some="some" t="t" the="the" to="to" turning="turning" wait.="wait." was="was" where="where">
Committed yesterday~! I'm an official beaver now! Chompnomnom!

But all the same, I'm a little scared. What's going to happen? I'm going so far away... Will I freeze? Will it be too difficult? Will I be homesick? Will I lose touch with the people I cherish?

It's ok. Whatever. What's life without a little risk, anyhow? Anyway, I'll have Vic. I'll have a webcam.

And I'll have all these moments that I can never forget. <3 br="br">Bring it on, I'm ready.

...mostly, anyway. :D

SPRING BREAK...!!!!

...is not yet over for me because I haven't gone to school yet! bwahahahhaah

So, I have lots of stuff to write about (like prom. and MIT YAY!), but as of now, I just have one story to tell, simply because I have sooooo much crap to do if I want to go to school tomorrow (which I don't, so maybe I should make full use of this blog...).

Anyway, today I was at the airport, and I had this giant foam sword thing that I wanted to carry on. So I was at security, and I was wondering if they would even let me in. So as the guy was checking my boarding pass and my license, the lady leans over, stares at the sword, and was like "...what is that?" So I was like "It's a foam sword!" Then the guy:

"SHHHH don't say the word sword! It's a foam floaty thing."
Lady: "Yeah, foam floaty thing. Where did you get that?"
Me: "Oh, I was at MIT this weekend, and they gave it to me."
Lady: "Oh. MIT."
Guy: "Yeah... those people always like to give us problems. -waves away-"

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

And then at the x-ray machine, I was putting my sweater back on and I saw one of the security ladies pick it up out of the machine and start waving it around:

Lady: "Oh wow this could be so much fun. HEY, I WANT ONE. Make me one."

HAHAHAHAHAHHA It was so funny. XD

Anyway, that was particularly humorous. I just wanted to write it down before I forgot. ^___^ I hope you people are all entertained.

Now I have to go do homework. sighs. I hate school. T__T

<3

Life is happy again. Well, as happy as it can get. ^__^

Going to Boston tomorrow! Be back Monday! I'M SO EXCITEDDDDD <3 <3

Prom was fantabulous. I'll talk about it next time! ehehe


What a super special awesome mood I'm in today! :D

I'm stupid. And selfish. What a jolly good combination.

I really really am. -___- Look! It's an emo entry! Cue gasps. An emo entry?! No way!

But yes. Because even has to be emo once in a while. She wishes she didn't have to though, because life was plodding along quite nicely without this. It's like a... plod plod plod SMUSH WOW A GIANT PIANO FELL FROM THE SKY AND I'M SQUISHED. Speaking of which, I'm screwed for piano too. Argh too many things are happening now! Hey look prom's in two days. (Wow what appropriate timing. - -) Hey actually now that I think about it this probably doesn't make a very good blog entry. Oh well like I ever gave a crap haha.

And in all actuality, it's probably not very fair that I'm being emo about this. But hey, I'm a hormone-driven teenage girl too, and I guess my emo hormones have to come out some time. I don't even think that makes sense. Oh well. Maybe I'm PMSing. According to Jodie, my PMSes are rather terrible. I'm just a very moody person, I guess.

So I've determined (as well as I can, really) that he totally does not want to come into contact with me at all, and, well, that is quite understandable, considering the circumstances. What I can't understand, however, is why this bothers me so much. Alright sure, he doesn't want to talk with me; it doesn't really have anything to do with me. Can I just please deal with it and just get over it?

Except I can't. And I think maybe I know why.

Except I don't. I have no idea why it bothers me so much. I just know that sometimes when I sit and just think about it I get all teary and sad. Not even angry... it's just a kind of... upset...ness.

That bothers me too, come to think of it. It's awfully detrimental to progress.

I think it's because I know that ultimately, I'm the one who caused this. I'm the one who made him unhappy, so I guess maybe it's right that I'm becoming depressed about this too.

I'm so stupid.

I just wish he weren't so unhappy. I guess it hurts to see him so emo, even though it probably hurts him more than it hurts me. And that's probably not the reason I'm so emo. I guess I'm hurt? But about what? He hasn't even done anything to me. Well, not directly anyway? Maybe I'm jealous. Probably. Of what? I have no clue.

I think maybe it would have been better if we hadn't met. At least, it would be better for him. But is it so selfish just to want things to go back to normal again? I still don't understand why it can't. Well, then again, I think I do.

Maybe I'm just a selfish bitch. And that's just how I am. Well who knows-- maybe not interacting with me will make him happier. Maybe Christine is right-- maybe he just needs time to get over it.

Or maybe it just won't ever go back to normal. Probably not anyway. So maybe I should stop trying so hard and failing just as hard. I guess we can probably still be friends. Just not as close as before. It's not that big a deal, right?

So why do I feel like I've lost so much?

Rapture inside of me is on the rise~~

So I've been listening to this song on repeat for the last hour or so. - - Epic fail? Any dolt with half a brain..

Anyway, I've decided that it's pointless having a blog if I'm not going to write in it (let alone having more than one. I've been neglecting my LJ too. whoops- -), so let's attempt to keep up with updating! WHOOO watch me CRASH AND BURN. oh well.

I'm thinking about what's been happening in my life lately (and actively ignoring my Dalley hwk that's just sitting in front of me lalalallalala look there's no BNW there lalala nope not at all) and I guess trying to figure out where to start? hmmm Yeah sure why not.

Actually there's lots of stuff I wanna talk about, but I don't necessarily think it's appropriate for an online blog entry. HAHAHAH :3

Oh I know.

So recently there's been a friend of mine who's been really emo, and I guess even though I haven't really done anything I can't help but feel that it's all my fault. -____- Has anyone else ever had that feeling? But, anyway. I really wanna cheer him up, but the thing is I can't so I dunno what to do even though there is something I can do but I can't do it because it just won't happen blaaaaaaaaaaargh why is my life such a bloody asian drama nowadays. - -

And now I am flipping through my planner to see if there's anything I can remember that's actually worth talking about. uhm. God I must really not wanna do my english essay. - -

OH!!! So I went to see Phantom of the Opera last month!! WOW IT WAS AMAZING!! ^_____^ There's just no comparison to seeing it live. hahahahaha the set was amazing, the voices were amazing, everything was just great! I loved it <3

OH! Talent show was amazing! ^__^ Great job everyone! HAHAHA oh so after talent show, a bunch of us just stood in the parking lot for around half an hour just deciding where to eat. wow that was fail. we wound up at In n Out. AHAHAHHA

SADIES!! Was very fun! ^__^ even though we didn't actually go to the dance until 10. -__- We were in... what, Rowland Heights? I don't even know! But we ate at apoapo (wthll strange moving stuff and BRIGHT PURPLE TEA?!?! O___O) and then we cued for like... an hour HAHAHAHHA. And yeah. In the end, I guess I'm super glad I stopped being wimpy and asked Andrew! He was fun to go with hahahaha<3

...Although. ...hmm. yeah HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

I'm terrible. :D

Actually, everyone else is terrible.

OH I KNOW CAROLINE YOU'RE TERRIBLE.

and yeah. dammit I need to do Dalley essay. -_______-

I think I'm done with this entry. for now, anyway. wow this was such a useless entry? - -?!

how come everyone else's blogs are so introspective and deep and mine is so... ............................not deep. shallow? -__________-?!

WHY AM I SO SHALLOW. WEEPWEEP. hahahha

So I do :) <3

someone please kill me now.