I really really am. -___- Look! It's an emo entry! Cue gasps. An emo entry?! No way!
But yes. Because even has to be emo once in a while. She wishes she didn't have to though, because life was plodding along quite nicely without this. It's like a... plod plod plod SMUSH WOW A GIANT PIANO FELL FROM THE SKY AND I'M SQUISHED. Speaking of which, I'm screwed for piano too. Argh too many things are happening now! Hey look prom's in two days. (Wow what appropriate timing. - -) Hey actually now that I think about it this probably doesn't make a very good blog entry. Oh well like I ever gave a crap haha.
And in all actuality, it's probably not very fair that I'm being emo about this. But hey, I'm a hormone-driven teenage girl too, and I guess my emo hormones have to come out some time. I don't even think that makes sense. Oh well. Maybe I'm PMSing. According to Jodie, my PMSes are rather terrible. I'm just a very moody person, I guess.
So I've determined (as well as I can, really) that he totally does not want to come into contact with me at all, and, well, that is quite understandable, considering the circumstances. What I can't understand, however, is why this bothers me so much. Alright sure, he doesn't want to talk with me; it doesn't really have anything to do with me. Can I just please deal with it and just get over it?
Except I can't. And I think maybe I know why.
Except I don't. I have no idea why it bothers me so much. I just know that sometimes when I sit and just think about it I get all teary and sad. Not even angry... it's just a kind of... upset...ness.
That bothers me too, come to think of it. It's awfully detrimental to progress.
I think it's because I know that ultimately, I'm the one who caused this. I'm the one who made him unhappy, so I guess maybe it's right that I'm becoming depressed about this too.
I'm so stupid.
I just wish he weren't so unhappy. I guess it hurts to see him so emo, even though it probably hurts him more than it hurts me. And that's probably not the reason I'm so emo. I guess I'm hurt? But about what? He hasn't even done anything to me. Well, not directly anyway? Maybe I'm jealous. Probably. Of what? I have no clue.
I think maybe it would have been better if we hadn't met. At least, it would be better for him. But is it so selfish just to want things to go back to normal again? I still don't understand why it can't. Well, then again, I think I do.
Maybe I'm just a selfish bitch. And that's just how I am. Well who knows-- maybe not interacting with me will make him happier. Maybe Christine is right-- maybe he just needs time to get over it.
Or maybe it just won't ever go back to normal. Probably not anyway. So maybe I should stop trying so hard and failing just as hard. I guess we can probably still be friends. Just not as close as before. It's not that big a deal, right?
So why do I feel like I've lost so much?
But yes. Because even has to be emo once in a while. She wishes she didn't have to though, because life was plodding along quite nicely without this. It's like a... plod plod plod SMUSH WOW A GIANT PIANO FELL FROM THE SKY AND I'M SQUISHED. Speaking of which, I'm screwed for piano too. Argh too many things are happening now! Hey look prom's in two days. (Wow what appropriate timing. - -) Hey actually now that I think about it this probably doesn't make a very good blog entry. Oh well like I ever gave a crap haha.
And in all actuality, it's probably not very fair that I'm being emo about this. But hey, I'm a hormone-driven teenage girl too, and I guess my emo hormones have to come out some time. I don't even think that makes sense. Oh well. Maybe I'm PMSing. According to Jodie, my PMSes are rather terrible. I'm just a very moody person, I guess.
So I've determined (as well as I can, really) that he totally does not want to come into contact with me at all, and, well, that is quite understandable, considering the circumstances. What I can't understand, however, is why this bothers me so much. Alright sure, he doesn't want to talk with me; it doesn't really have anything to do with me. Can I just please deal with it and just get over it?
Except I can't. And I think maybe I know why.
Except I don't. I have no idea why it bothers me so much. I just know that sometimes when I sit and just think about it I get all teary and sad. Not even angry... it's just a kind of... upset...ness.
That bothers me too, come to think of it. It's awfully detrimental to progress.
I think it's because I know that ultimately, I'm the one who caused this. I'm the one who made him unhappy, so I guess maybe it's right that I'm becoming depressed about this too.
I'm so stupid.
I just wish he weren't so unhappy. I guess it hurts to see him so emo, even though it probably hurts him more than it hurts me. And that's probably not the reason I'm so emo. I guess I'm hurt? But about what? He hasn't even done anything to me. Well, not directly anyway? Maybe I'm jealous. Probably. Of what? I have no clue.
I think maybe it would have been better if we hadn't met. At least, it would be better for him. But is it so selfish just to want things to go back to normal again? I still don't understand why it can't. Well, then again, I think I do.
Maybe I'm just a selfish bitch. And that's just how I am. Well who knows-- maybe not interacting with me will make him happier. Maybe Christine is right-- maybe he just needs time to get over it.
Or maybe it just won't ever go back to normal. Probably not anyway. So maybe I should stop trying so hard and failing just as hard. I guess we can probably still be friends. Just not as close as before. It's not that big a deal, right?
So why do I feel like I've lost so much?
2 comments:
something is wrong with the world when tanya posts an EMO blog.
but welcome! this is what blogging is all about. you've been missing out on lots of emo-fun.
eat some cheerios!
ok. that was lame. im sorry.
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